Friday, November 13, 2009

My Once and Future Domme

What a long strange trip this week has been. It began with high anticipation over the possibility of my meeting D., the strong, mercurial, fascinating, beautiful woman whom I have been hoping to enlist as a real-life (not paid) dominant mistress for many, many months. We have exchanged upwards of 200 emails over that time, exploring one another's fantasies as well as one another's sometimes odd peccadillos. I can't say that I've ever come to fully trust her--after all her screen name on the website where I first encountered her was "Sexy, Manipulative, Dangerous"--but I did develop a real dependence on her emails and a delight in her incisive view of the world in general and of the odd interactions between men and women in particular. "Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds," Ralph Waldo Emerson famously observed and over the course of our conversations D. proved her mind to be anything but "little" as she veered from hard-boiled money-obsessed cynic to vulnerable lost child to world-weary realist all in the space of a day's worth of emails. Perhaps all that inconsistency should have put me off, but like many of my brethren, I am a sucker for a smart, fucked-up woman, particularly if she happens to be beautiful as well. So, at last--after a sizable gift from me I hasten to add--we finally were able to agree on a time to meet. The agreement was that I would be allowed to suck her lovely tits, an activity that she particularly enjoys, but nothing more. No kissing, no touching of other parts of her body, and little or no touching of me by her. This was all fine by me inasmuch as I hoped this first meeting would lead to many, many more. So it was with great excitement and even a little nervousness that I pulled my car into the parking lot where she told me to go and waited for her to find me. Within five minutes of the appointed time, a tall, dark-haired attractive woman with a killer body appeared in my side view mirror and was quickly sitting beside me in the passenger seat. My first reaction was that she looked quite a bit as I expected her to, attractive but not stunningly beautiful, with gorgeous full breasts and a tight body that must have fueled a multitude of male fantasies through the years. As I interacted with her, again as I thought she would, she came across as strong, hard, tough, with a nearly impenetrable exterior, like a beautiful, if somewhat cold, piece of polished black obsidian rock.... pretty much everything I could hope for in a Domme when you get right down to it. On the flip side, beneath that obsidian exterior, I also detected some real vulnerability and a sense of deep, turbulent waters, churning, churning....

She directed me to drive to an isolated parking lot a short distance away, then asked me, "Do you know what you are here to do?" I responded that I was to suck her sensational tits--a prospect that became only more enticing the more glances I was able to steal at her sizable but firm cleavage. "So get to it," she ordered. So began my 15 minutes or so of tasting her lovely breasts, sucking them as she instructed, with my mouth on one nipple while my hand tweaked and twisted the other. She seemed to be enjoying herself and at one point complimented me on my ability to follow instruction. As she murmured commands to me, she held each of my ears in her hands and twisted my head into the position where she wanted me, then pulled hard on my ears as I sucked away. I was in heaven. Then, for reasons utterly unknown, she suddenly stopped and told me to pull out my cock and stroke it. This came as a bit of a surprise as, although she had mentioned wanting to see my cock in the past, she had not talked about that activity as a possible feature of this first meeting. But of course I happily complied and I know she was gratified by the fact that I was already hard as a rock before my cock even saw the light of day and she expressed admiration for its size and shape. At one point after I had stroked for a couple of minutes I made a gesture towards returning to her breasts and she roughly rebuffed me, making it plain that my hands, which now had touched my own cock, were defiled and unworthy to touch any part of her. I begged her forgiveness but there was a feeling of a spell being broken somehow and she quickly turned away, pulled her shirt up and announced that "this is taking too long. I don't think you're ever going to cum." Of course I was not aware that she wanted me to cum. So again I begged her forgiveness and pleaded with her to allow me to cum. Within a matter of seconds I was able to summon a lovely orgasm and an impressively prodigious load of cum. She softened enough to praise my ability to cum on command, but after cleaning myself up, I was instructed to return to the original parking lot immediately. It was clear that she did not want me to see her car as she had me drop her off in front of a nearby supermarket and drive away. Her final comment to me was that she would email me.

I stopped for lunch after our encounter and emailed her from the restaurant to say that I had enjoyed our meeting and that I hoped I would have the chance to be with her again and learn further the proper way to please her. After one of her typically brief responses--"You're welcome"--I further queried her about another meeting and she responded that I had disobeyed her and thus had "sealed [my] own fate." After months and months of conversations, I simply could not believe that I was being so summarily dismissed, so I sent her another email (unanswered) and then another, begging her to tell me what was going on. Her final response was, "Be a gentleman and leave me alone." I have since sent her one last email just asking her to confirm for me that these brief emails mean what they seem to mean, that she wants absolutely nothing further to do with me--no emails, no more meetings with her or with her other male friends (we'd talked about my introducing some of her other men to bi activity), no contact of any sort whatsoever. I begged her for some further explanation, arguing that our many, many emails through the past year surely entitled me to that. Even if she failed to see the validity of that point, I argued, shouldn't the substantial financial contribution I made to her justify some further response as well?

I have received no answer at all. I closed the email with an expression of continuing admiration and with the hope that perhaps I am wrong and she might in the end relent and agree to pursue our somewhat twisted relationship. Might she be considering this? Not likely....

In truth, as coldblooded as I often am about my many sexual escapades, this experience left me deeply depressed, feeling stupid, manipulated, and profoundly unattractive. My answer to this emotional pain? Have one of my male admirers come over today and give me an unusually competent blow job. The total amount of time between my initial conversation online with him and his appearing on his knees before me with my long cock buried down his throat? Less than 60 minutes. What a truly bizarre life I lead...

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